Monday, 29 June 2009

Butter Melting Torture?

It sounds like they're going to attempt some new kind of torture method on me soon. Shortly after I'd successfully completed my mission to pee on every floor surface in their HQ, twice in a row too, they hadn't even finished cleaning up the first two when I'd finished, but anyway…

I heard the giants telling each other that "butter wouldn't melt in my mouth"? Now, I'm not sure what butter actually is, but I'm ready to resist anything they can throw at me, I have the stare to melt them right back!

Saturday, 27 June 2009

Standy-up Toys

These toys have no respect! I turn my back for two seconds and they're standing up in defiance. If it wasn't bad enough that the yellow ball stares at me, laughing all the time, now the others have joined in!?

The duck sits up and glares, the chewy dog leans nonchalantly against the wall, they've even started standing on each other to try to make themsleves taller, so I can't get them. I'll show them though, I'll just keep pouncing on them, or knocking them over as I go past. They will not get the better of me!

Thursday, 25 June 2009

next doors food smells better than mine!

I was taken out to the compound at the rear of the HQ today, the perimeter wall is extremely high and all entrances are blocked. I was carried to avoid letting me explore for weak points, but the raised position gave me a vantage point, where I spotted some passers by. I tried calling for help, but they smiled, laughed and called me cute!

I suddenly realised I could smell something absolutley delicious, entrancing and addictive. I couldn't get enough of the heavenly scent, I wonder what it was, I bet it was tasty. Why do the neighbours get better food than I do?

Sunday, 21 June 2009

Stair Gate

These giants are crafty creatures, they must have realised that I was trying to get up to the upper level of their HQ to destroy their cunning secret devices.
A large, rather confusing barrier has been erected in my path, they call it "Stair Gate". My attempts had, so far, only got me to the first stair, but it was progress! Thwarted before any real headway could be made, thier secret devices must be incredibly important.

I've heard rumour of these devices tracing back to the ancient Egyptian heroes, but there may be a rather lengthy training video on the subject, I must continue my research!

Saturday, 20 June 2009

A New Friend

After my rewarding testing earlier, I was delighted to meet a new playmate. I think I was still a little excited from earlier successes and made a rather over-zealous impression. Her name's Tess and she's very tall. A collie I understand, chases sheep a lot or something? She was definitely up for playing, but I hope my fur-grabbing exploits and hyperactive chasing hasn't scared her off forever, it's good to have someone near my own age to play with, unlike that old boring grey one! And her pets "aunty Rosie and uncle David" are fun to play with too. The also have black, flashy, clicky gadgets, with equally tasty dangly straps!

Official Toy Tester (destroyer level)

hey, this teleporter re-fluffer thing is really cool!! I was only thinking about the grey dog's sausages, and they appeared, sure enough, yet again, totally immaculate?! It must be thought activated, will attempt other things later.

Meantime, I've decided to test out how beagle-proof these toys really are! Approaching this in the most scientific way possible, I shall study the objects and work out a plan of attack to have these things removed from a dog the fastest, thus resulting in a fail.

34 minutes exactly! Look for the weakest part of the object, by process of elimination, the noses were easily removed. The rope, however, has made me feel a little queesy, must be coated with anti-destruction fluid, will complain to the makers, can't subject my fellow pups to the same tummy problems I'm having, if you know what I mean?! Still, all part of the job, I'm proud!

Friday, 19 June 2009

That old dog Bar Knee and his servant have followed me Back here, they seem to be watching my every move! (when the old grey thing isn't asleep, I'm sure he's on drugs)

Hmm, I've been held captive for quite a while now, I know my mum doesn't have that many dog biscuits to pay a ransom, maybe I need to think about settling down here.

I think it's about time I asserted myself and became their pack leader! the biggest one is going to be a problem, but my teeth sharpening and practice barking is coming along nicely! I already have control over the youngest lady in the nice, chewy tops! Total control! I have her under my power!

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

alright, road trip!

at last, it looks like mum paid the ransom! All my things are packed up into the red tank, I must be heading home. I've been put in this strange-smelling box, the same odd smell from the first day of captivity, still, I have work to do, returning the long chew dog to a preferred state, and howling a lot.

as I wake, I realise I'm not where I thought I was, there's an old, grey dog staring at me!? Not someone I recognise, but he seems like fun. WOW! Look, Sausages on a rope, I gotta get me some of these, and a grunting pig, this place is so cool! Let's play with the old man!

Hmm, it seems play biting his fur, feet and tail have no effect, chasing him is no use, he's slower than a tree! The giants seem to be calling him "Bar Knee", what an odd name for a dog!

The giant went off with his gadgety thing with the tasty strap for a few hours, but when he came back, we played for ages then went back to his HQ where the other one was waiting. I like her, she's good to bite! Anyway, to work on that smile removal!!

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

My toys are staring at me!?

I have happy toys! but that ball stares at me more than the sausage dog chew does. It's rather offputting! I think I'll try to remove it's smile!

Monday, 15 June 2009

a teleportation re-fluffer device?

They were still there when I woke up, so I guess I'm in for the long-haul, or until someone pays their ransom demand!!

I'm intrigued, they seem to have some kind of hi-tech device, it allows the transportation of an object, but at the same time, it cleans it, fluffs it up and makes it like new again?! They've succeeded in teleporting the squeaky, chewy sausage dog that I shared with my siblings, yet it's been refreshed with extra fluffiness and softness. They've even made the squeakers louder again!

It's going to take me ages to get it back to the state I liked it in!

Sunday, 14 June 2009

they're stealing me!!

Sunday morning, but I was awake, and ready for them!

This army of giants return in a large red war machine called 'car', they chat a lot to the tall lady that brings food-not-from-mum, I play with mum, but she keeps telling me things I need to remember. I mean, she must think I have a really bad memory or something? I continue to evade their advances, biting legs and other dogs, hey, no strappy thing today?

The giants grab me, mum runs away shouting "bye pup, take care."

They squeeze me and utter high pitched sounds, I have absolutely no idea what they mean! I'm bundled into this large red tank, with a soft, fluffy (yet surprisingly absorbent) mat. It must be some kind of torture device, as it tries to throw me from side to side, up and down, all whilst I still try to look cool. Not happy.

I have a terrible dream, I'm taken to a large warehouse with strange smells and noises, I see a large green giant with weapons. My neck, what re you doing? It hurts, but I feel sleepy still, returning to the blue leg in the red tank.

I arrive at the giant's headquarters, they seem to like torturing a variety of species, there's a funny smell, like outdoors, but not, and something I can't quite figure out, but interesting.

They try to restrain me using a large brown soft thing, 'bed' I believe they call it. I resist, but its powers of softness are too great. Zzzzzzzz

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

plot foiled by the giant

The giant has realised my plan to destroy the strappy thing, his retreat means I can no longer reach the strap without aid.

These blue ankles will have to satisfy my chewing needs. A pasttime that I can see lasting if play things are removed from my reach!

this strappy thing…

At last, I have access to this thing that dangles from the black gadget. It now has attachments that blind us, but the giant has mistakenly left it on the ground beside him. An opportunity!

It's chewy, almost tough, but not enough, should sharpen these teeth up nicely, nummm!

4 weeks old, more interruptions!

I was just nodding off for nap number 7 of the day, and this guy with the clicky, shiny, black gadget device (with that strappy, dangly bit) turns up again, this time, with reinforcements!?

They took turns at annoying me and 'Jigsaw', you can see how happy I was about it!

They stayed for hours this time, repeating "but how do you choose?"

Choose what? Just give us whatever food or toys it is you can't decide over, and we'll demolish them!