no, not my ears too?

I had to say it didn't I? Now one of my ears is incredibly itchy, I fear the worst. It must be only a matter of time before they head for the hills following behind my teeth.

No matter how hard I scratch, it's still tickly, sometimes sore, I might need Furry-face to scratch it for me. Oh, yeah, that's it, just lift my ear, in there, that's it, yeah, right… hold on… what? A large wha…? TICK? Like those things you get in clocks? Well get it out of me then!

What do you mean you don't have a tick removal tool? Go get one, this thing's huge!!

OK, so you've seen MacGyver and think you can make your own out of a paperclip? Cheh rright!

"Hold still"? What? But? Nnnngggg!

Oh, wow! Look at the size of that beast! It blends right in to the colour of my ear, no wonder I hadn't spotted it! An impressive improvisation there Furry-face. You could patent that!

Phew, my ears are safe. Faithful old ears!

spitting teeth

I have a habit of just sitting chewing things in the garden, sometimes flowers, petals, seed heads, even rose branches, but it's usually stones.

I had been sitting next to the main entrance this morning, nibbling on a small pebble, when Furry-face caught me and started shouting for his invisible friend Droppit so I thought I'd better spit the pebble out to help him find his friend. As the pebble tumbled to the path, but there was a second noise hitting the ground… yet another tooth?!

Now this is getting serious. Little ones I can let walk out on me, but this one was huge! Could my toy-testing career be over? I think I need to get some toothcuffs to keep them in place, maybe I can stick them back in with glue? What next? Are my ears going to fall off?

Mid Gee Squadrons

I have discovered yet another invasion force attempting to conquer our world…

They seem to gather by small streams and under trees, amassing their forces, waiting for their opportunity to strike against the many inhabitants of our planet. The Giants I have heard discussing them have called them 'mid gees'.

I have seen vast squadrons of these mid gees grow larger every day, they're breeding like flies! Although the Giants are massive by comparison, I have seen the damage one tiny mid gee can inflict. From the initial bombardment and attack flight, to the tiny-tickle manoeuvre of sneaking under a tight clothing garment, or crawling across a face, neck or even in the hair. Then the payload is dispatched, a bomb placed under the skin, most cunning, effective and dastardly tactics, the fall-out area can be up to the size of a tennis-ball (whatever tennis is? Future investigation required).

I too am bothered by these swarms, they constantly attempt to penetrate my outer-ear defenses, yes, my lugflaps! My errant shaking and running away from them extremely quickly seems to thwart their efforts, but I fear they are getting stronger!

I have noticed that on colder days, there seems to be less of them out to fight, perhaps some experimentation and invention is required… I wonder if a 'frozen garden peas overcoat' would be effective?

The Mooing Wall

We were out for a walk in the country tonight, and I heard a strange noise coming from the wall beside us.

It was mooing at us like a cow, but it was just a wall? As I looked closer, I saw that this wall actually had ears… and a nose… even eyes?! It had the head of a cow but the body of a wall? I tried barking and howling at it, but it just bobbed up and down. I suspect the cow had been teleporting somewhere and had a misfire of the co-ordinates, thus, landing inside the wall. The only other possibility was that a female cow and a male wall… nah, that's just silly!?

I attempted to make Furry-face and Chewy aware of the poor animal's plight, but they just wanted to get home before CSI Sunday, whatever that is? I think they meant SKI Sunday, these Giants really can't speak too good, are they?

the biggest water bowl ever

Yet another weekend walk in a forest, only this time I had to sleep in the red tank before I got there. Berts Hire I think it was called.

There were more trees, lots of stick, some tasty ferns and lots of giants out being walked. I stopped to meet a few of them, but there were too many nice smells I had to investigate.

At the top of the hill, there it was… the biggest drinking bowl I've ever seen! The bottle it was being poured out of was HUGE! Not only could I have got my tongue in it, I could have walked in with Furry-face, Chewy and the tank!

The only problem I had, was getting to it. It seemed they had to keep it behind bars, they'd probably heard how much water I can drink!? I could feel the spray from it ups where we were, and I could hear it too, how cruel is that?

We sat on a bench and watched as Furry-face climbed down to get me some, he took his gadget strappy thing with him, but it doesn't hold much water, when he came back, I had to lick the water from his wet feet and trousers. I'm sure that water was even salmon flavoured!

Ice-cream Invasion?

I met Rab from the Burnt Island today, he's cool, he likes to play at fetch and has a dog called Cindy. She wasn't very happy that I was there though, she ran away and hid on the sofa, and I'm not allowed on other sofas apart from the HQ.

I found toys she'd left lying around and even some food, very tasty it was too, until Furry-face showed up and told me it wasn't mine. I found it, surely that makes it mine!?

Rab has a gadgety strappy thing too, so he and Furry-face took us for a walk whilst they played at gadgets. We stopped for a drink outside a pub, where they had non-alcoholic drinks for dogs and table-leg snacks for us to chew on. Rab caught fire at one point but didn't seem to mind, he kept blowing it away and seemed to enjoy it.

On the way home, a huge ice-cream jumped out on us, I attempted to save the others by growling and barking at it. I think I scared it as the others seemed to be calm beside me. I was worried that this might be the start of an invasion force form the giant 99 flake world, but then I spotted the chain, realising it was obviously just someones pet.

drinking habits

When we're away from the HQ and I need a drink, the Giants have an ingenious little device they got for me…

It's a folding water bowl that can be flattened to put in a pocket or a bag, then opened out to hold water for drinking from. Now, the inside of it is black, so quite difficult to see the water level, and I've got soggy ears on more than one occasion now, so I've decided to use it as a toy instead!

I watch whilst they unfold it, fill it up then I pick it up my the rim and carry it away to have a chew of it! As for getting a drink, I just take it from the bottle as they pour it now, although it's quite difficult to get my tongue into that tiny hole where it comes out.

The folding bowl also doubles as a nice, waterproof hat!

Sweary signs about stones

You know I like sticks and wrapping the magic rope around things, so imagine my joy when I was taken to a forest path for a walk today!?

I weaved in and out of tall trees, baby trees, dead trees, bushes, even managed to drag Furry-face through a spiky bush, but then the magic rope stopped working and I was confined to the main path for some reason?

I discovered some little things that grow on and around trees in a forest, they're called 'ferns' and are very sociable as they have lots of 'friends' or something. They are highly recommended by cats, and I can see why. They have a light, fluffy texture with a strong flavour and a fragrant aroma, making them easy to find. Only problem is they get stuck in my chops, so they hang out the side of my mouth as evidence of snacking.

We passed a sign that Chewy read out to me, I think the sign writer feels really strongly about these stones, maybe they've lost patience from so many persons doing it? I think 'prosecuted' is like 'electrocuted' but done more professionally?! But it does say 'persons', so I should be okay to chomp on a few stones, I'm a beagle!

Big Bang Theory

Busy day so far, and still not done yet…

I was taken to a dark little alley in town, I feared the worst, I was sure they were going to sell me on the black market! But it was just another opportunity for me to chew the dangly strappy thing once again.

Recently, I've been hearing odd noises in my sleep, coming from the portal cage in the corner, sometimes getting quite loud too. I thought I was dreaming, but they're still there, even when I wake up. They're so loud sometimes, even the wall starts complaining! It sounded like explosions and workmen, maybe the captors in the portal cage are having home improvements? But there were constant interruptions, like the doorbell ringing and no-one being there, Furry-face not even bothering to go to the door, he just sat there laughing, I bet it's another one of his pranks!

Back to the dark alley though… I was sure I could hear the sounds again, Furry-face must've left the portal cage turned on really loud, because this time I could hear the noises from all the way in town!

I decided to ignore them, instead, I watched some pretty lightning in the sky, it was happening over something called "Edhamburger Carsale". It looked like some kind of science experiment, probably the creation of a new world somewhere?

I got bored quickly, so I started chewing random sticks… and something I found that was really chewy, although I'm told it used to be called "Irn Bru", it seemed to be left to wander the streets as a vagrant.

Unpredictable Flying Objects

I figured my teeth maybe needed more excitement, so we went to a big park next, to play with an odd, orange flying disc called a "Frizzy Bee".

It's apparently especially made for dogs, so we can chew the rubber edge right off. It also whistles on us as it flies, probably to make us follow it to rescue it from crashing?! I chased it for ages, showing off my jumping abilities and letting my teeth bump into it every chance I could. Although that took a lot of practice, it was a little unpredictable in flight, especially if Chewy was throwing it!

After a few hours, my teeth felt a little happier, especially when I let them hang onto the Frizzy Bee without letting go, a great way to cheer up unhappy teeth. Furry-face wasn't too impressed though, it took him ages to get it from me, I think he just wanted to try catching it in his own teeth!

my teeth are escaping…?

I was sitting in my crate in the back of the red tank, chewing my pink bone and my white cover, trying to satisfy a little gum itch. There was an odd feeling then a little crunching noise. Why were there red drops on the white cover?

As we arrived at our destination, Furry-face found the red drops and picked up a little white hard thing that had been sitting in the red bits. He said it was a baby tooth?! it was tiny, not sure how he spotted it. As I was the only one in the crate, there were definitely no babies around, so either the tooth has miraculously transported into my mouth from elsewhere… or my own teeth are trying to escape?! Now, I've had my teeth for quite a while, as is evident from my toy-testing experiments, so I'm a little confused. Why do they want to run out on me? Have I been working them too hard?

I need to keep a close watch on these teeth. They should be easy enough to spot if they try to escape, they seem to leave behind these bright red wet trails!!!

nowhere to go…

The Giants have been trying to teach me to go outside when I need to, well, go. They've used various methods of coaching and bribery, including running me to the door after I've woken up - cruelty! Nevertheless, all spoiling my fun at laying minefields!

The latest thing is getting me to sit at the front door and wait. Okay, so I was doing that this morning, I was desperate! The only problem here is that when I'm sitting patiently, staring at the door handle, waiting for a Giant to reach it for me, they can't see me from where they lounge around. I sat for ages, no-one came, so I went looking for some of those paper carpets they leave around. None to be found.

I needed somewhere to go, and fast. I jumped up on to the bed to see if I could see any paper carpets from up there. Now they only use the bed at nights, it's nice and soft, should be absorbent, "why not?" I thought. They weren't impressed. Apparently, it's not as easy to clean up as it is on the carpet. How was I supposed to know?

Lesson learned - make noises whist staring at the door handle. Must learn to whistle!

dumbell & squeaker

my work on toy-testing has slipped by the wayside lately, so I thought I'd get back to the grind…

My teeth have been getting sharper, although some have felt a little wobbly lately? Anyway, I discovered an interesting technique - the 'tin-opener method' where the toy gets held on the bottom teeth as the top ones work away in a straight line, cutting a section or an end off cleanly. I decided to give the blue dumbbells a new window.

I almost had the squeaker out of that wretched rugby ball, but Furry-face spotted how far I'd progressed and removed it before my Sooty & Sweep impression was complete!

who writes this anyway?

Sorry it's taking so long to get blog entries up just now, but I have a lot on, teething and all that!

Quite a few folk have asked who writes this? How dare you!!?? Although, I have a confession to make - I do have a secretary!

I dictate things as I think if them and leave them for the typist to publish here on the wwwebernet. Oh come on folks, my paws are WAY too big to hit those tiny keys. I do have to proof read a lot though, and the spell-checker is a life-saver. You just can't get the staff these days.

Happy reading!

no kiddies allowed…

As the rain stopped, I got taken out to play with my friend Tess.

There were lots of Giants there, all with chewy-straps on gadgets. Some kind of get-together where they all take each others' photo, or something? Tess wasn't interested, she wanted to see why there were people in the distance running after balls, she even managed to join in for a while. I couldn't escape to join her, but I tried.

After it got dark, the Giants took over an enclosed area with lots of monuments for children to play on. Things to climb on, run around, jump over and a few traps thrown in, Tess and I were both caught out by the slippery slope trap. It looked like a little ramp up to the monuments, but it had been greased or something, we tried it a few times, but kept sliding back to the start.

We ran around together for ages, no ropes getting in the way, but it was really dark, she has a lo of black hair, and I lost her. Turns out she was behind me!?